April 17 – 3 Years?

Hard to believe that it was 3 years ago today that I got in my car in Texas and hit the road for California. I moved here for love. I stayed here for love.

So much has changed over the last three years. Almost one year after I moved here, Richard, my partner passed away. I moved here for him. I moved here for love.

I fell in love again. It wasn’t expected. It wan’t planned. I stayed here for love.

So much has happened over the last three years. Richard passed away. I changed stores at work. I found love again.

People may not understand the concept of a triad relationship or a ‘throuple’ but for us, it works. For J and B and myself, things work. Sure people don’t always understand how three people, let alone three men be in a relationship together, but it works.

If people don’t understand anything else of what it can mean to be in a triad, understand this, it means thrice the love, thrice the happiness.

Maybe it’s significant that this is being written at the ‘three’ year mark.

Maybe it’s significant that today, for some reason or another, just feels different. Maybe there’s a weight lifted somewhere. The changing of the seasons. Spring is definitely in the air.

It’s funny, I start these blog post usually an hour or so before I have to get ready for work. What usually happens and it aggravates me to no end?

I usually get in the writing flow of things. Maybe the ideas aren’t necessarily flowing like a water spout at full blast but they do seem to at least come in spurts like when the water is trying to come back on and it just takes a second or two of the spurts for the full flow to come back stronger than ever.

But that’s okay too. I’m going to taker my composition notebook and my large journal with me to work today and maybe I can get some writing done while I am on break or whatnot at work.

I’m planning on my composition notebook being for the Man Among Gods (working title) story that I am tinkering around with. Any notes or ideas I have for it. Any thoughts I might have as I am working on the project as well. My large journal, while a journal, I want to stay more towards the positives and less of the negatives.

Anywho, it is now time to get ready for work.

Stay tuned y’all for another post tomorrow as I just might have a follow up since I got into the flow late today!

April 3 – SHOW UP!

I have to SHOW UP! I am not going to get my ass out of this funk I’m in regarding my writing if I don’t get up off my ass and actually SHOW UP!

Even last night at work, I was sitting there and I actually had to make myself get up and get moving to get the rest of my work done for the night.

This can’t be happening! But it shows me that if I want to get writing and turn things around, it might take more effort than I’ve been putting into it.

Now, what does that mean for my writing in the sense of creative fiction writing. Blog post are one thing. I can write a blog post but how do I show up for my original fiction work?

Maybe all the fiction advice that suggests free writing in the beginning to get going are correct.

Maybe that’s just something I’m going to have to try.

Now it’s time to get ready for work.

April 2

Yesterday’s post didn’t go up till just now. Today’s post is just now being written as we speak! I have about twenty minutes until I have to get ready for work.

Not going to talk about work at the moment as there is some drama going on and for once it really does not involve me and that is a great thing. I do have sympathy for those involved but as I am not one of them involved, I shall breath a sigh of relief.

I would like to talk about Nanowrimo a bit more today. It’s April. Aren’t we supposed to be involved in Camp right now? Shouldn’t I be logging onto the website and tracking my word count and chatting with people in my cabin?

Things aren’t that simple anymore. A good number of people have already left the Nanowrimo organization and with good reason to.

But what about the good that Nanowrimo did bring to the world? The love of creative writing being spread across the globe has a lot to do with Nanowrimo.

Personally, November and Nanowrimo always held such a joy for me. I was born in November, so I was a fall baby already but learning that there was a creative writing contest in November too! I was so excited. It was like my own personal Christmas morning every November 1st.

Now what do I do? Do I give up on Nanowrimo?

I had to stop and really think about that. Honestly, I have to say a hard NO!

Now, don’t take that the wrong way! I will not give up on Nanowrimo as a 50k word challenge in November that has brought community together in a creative journey but I will most likely discontinue use of the organization’s website.

Now, that being said, I think this might actually be a good thing for the future. May we possibly see new [Nanowrimo the challenge] inspired websites? While Nanowrimo in November is great, what about other months?

What about more notice brought to sites like https://www.pacemaker.press where you can track word counts? Or sites like 4thewords.com that turn writing into a game of sorts!

I see a brighter future ahead as people branch away from the organization behind Nanowrimo but take the challenge of writing 50k in a month and learn from it create new and exciting worlds for us to read about!

We just have to stay tuned!

April 1

April Fools’ Day… Hmmm?

Does that mean that today has to be a day full of pranks? I seriously hope not. But so far it’s a beautiful day. Sitting outside on the patio with the fur babies and listening to music and just being.

I was supposed to get up early this morning and get an energy drink and go into my office and get some writing done. Why didn’t that happen? After getting off work at midnight, I came home and got in bed and I just couldn’t get to sleep.

So when the boys woke me up at 7 this morning when I had asked them to the night before, I went right back to sleep. When I did get up, instead of going into the office, I put on The Exorcist: Believer and watched that instead of writing. I thought, “Okay, this is your typical sequel horror movie. I can write while I casually watch it.”

Yeah that was nowhere near what happened. I wasn’t hardly even on my phone while I had the movie on.

Now I’m sitting outside because it really is a beautiful day outside.

Social media today does seem to be full of April Fool’s jokes and while I know they’re all in fun, I think I rather just skip the hoopla of practical jokes and such today.

Today is supposed to be Mindfully Monday #14.

Maybe I need a rebrand… Another? I tried a schedule of sorts beginning out this year and while I had great… the greatest really… of intentions, I feel personally I have fallen short on the goal that I wanted to achieve with the schedule which was becoming accustomed to working with a set schedule. I think maybe I should take some time to get my schedule worked out in a different way maybe.

Today is the first day of April’s CampNanowrimo. Nanowrimo.

People are all over the spectrum of how they feel about Nanowrimo now. I do not pretend to understand exactly what was going on within the forums and outside of them as well.

I hardly ever used the forums myself. There just seemed to either be too much going on or if there was something specific I wanted to find, I never really had an easy time going about finding it.

This post, at 386 words will be my Day 1 word count for CampWrimo. Stay tuned later today for Day 2’s post. I’ll probably continue talking about Nanowrimo and other things writerly!

Happy Writing and have a beautifully wonderful day!

Mindfully Mondays 2024 #3

So, I’m writing this post on Monday!! What the what?? The funny thing is just because I’m writing this post on Monday, doesn’t mean I couldn’t forget and not post it today. Seriously, it has happened before.

But I will post today. I started this journey of Mindfully Mondays for this very reason: to be more successful in blogging consistently.

Currently getting lost in Spotify and I need to get ready for work but here is my post for today. I may or may not have a part 2 later when I think of what I would actually write about today!

Later for now! Be back later!

Fan Fiction Fridays #2

If you’re always a day late, are you then actually on time?

Yes I know that isn’t actually how it works but it is the principle of the matter… Anywho, yesterday was supposed to be my Fandom and Pairing Reveal day.

So, without further ado,

Johnathan Archer and Charles Trip Tucker USS Enterprise NX 01

Fandom: Star Trek: Enterprise

Pairing: Archer/Trip

Summary: I’m not sure yet… Maybe I’ll venture out into the live journal world and find a prompt table or two and see where that takes me.

Disclaimer: Fandom specific characters are property of their respective owners. I am merely borrowing them in an attempt to ignite a new spark in my creative and writing self.

Stay tuned for Mindfully Mondays #3 and maybe even an unscheduled post!

Mindfully Mondays 2024 #2

Again, a day late but still going to happen.

I need a routine.

Wait! Wasn’t I supposed to be on a Monday/Wednesday/Friday blogging schedule? Isn’t that supposed to be my routine?

While all of that is true and in theory, fairly easy of a schedule to stick to, isn’t it always easier said than done?

I think what I need to do is be more accountable. I need to put my intentions out there and then that makes me accountable to them.

2024 Blogging Schedule

I need to be more vocal about my art and my creative endeavors. What is it they say, you get what you put out there…

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Writerly Wednesday post which will actually be on time tomorrow!

Mindfully Mondays 2024 #1

And it’s a day late I know!!! Excuses excuses. Holiday… Work…

It’s one of the hubbies bdays…

That is a good excuse right?

Anywho, I have been thinking about shows I used to watch. I’m trying to be more mindful… In doing so, I’m trying to be more in the here and now but that doesn’t mean that I can’t revisit old shows I used to watch.

Caitlyn’s Way… A story of a girl coming of age learning to deal with a new world, external conflict as well internal conflicts.

Hey Arnold… A group of friends journey through life in their city.

I look back at these shows and I see them in a new way.

Currently sitting in Las Vegas for Juan’s birthday and I couldn’t be happier. My babies and I are happy and healthy and in a beautiful city.

The view from the 26th floor of The Cosmopolitan Hotel

But in the mindful mindset, I am trying to slow down and absorb and see new things in every day things.

Stay tuned for Writerly Wednesday where I will be discussing what to expect from Fan Fiction Friday going forward and maybe some snippets and tips!

Happy Writing

Writerly Wednesdays #2

How to start… Where to start… The beginning of a project is always the hardest, in my opinion personally.

Even writing a blog post, I find myself at a loss as to where to start when I sit down to start writing.

So the advice I’ve received before myself, to just start writing and see where it goes, sticks out in my mind above anything else.

I’m trying to do a similar technique with my painting and my drawing as well. If I don’t know what to do, I have been just doodling lines and boxes and squiggles and in doing things like that, I see where I could take the drawing or it gives me an idea for some actual piece and I get a new sheet of paper and draw.

I’m still back and forth on whether or not I will be making Fridays, Fan Fiction Fridays.

Stick around and let’s see where the squiggles take us.

Already Missed…

So I already missed my Monday/Wednesday schedule for blog posts.

Is it okay to say that yesterday was a holiday?

I’m going to say yes and no only because I can’t let myself get down because I missed a blog post yesterday.

It happens. It’s probably going to happen again but I can’t let myself get down about it.

Now, that aside, I would like to start something possibly daily where I post a scene/setting/snippet that calls to me.

Today’s setting that calls to me… I see a balcony, at night, an empty street below and an amber street light casting light onto a pathway leading into a park across the street.

Mindfully Mondays

Over the last week, I did manage to create a tentative schedule for January. I’m thinking Mondays and Wednesdays. I’ve also been reading on and learning to be more mindful.

That being said, I am thinking of making Mondays ‘Mindfully Monday’. How and in what sense? I’m not exactly sure. I know I have issues I want to work through mentally. I have anxiety and depression. I have attention and focus issues.

I want to be able to function more fully in the moment and with those around me in my personal and professional life.

That means that I need to be more mindful.

Mindfulness is a practice that involves being fully present and engaged in the current moment without judgement. It’s about cultivating awareness of your thoughts , feelings, and surroundings, which can contribute greatly to improved mental well-being.

— ChatGPT 3.5 Response to “In the sense of mental health, what does mindfulness mean?”

It makes perfect sense. I spend too much time lost in anxious spirals. That’s not living in the moment, engaged with those around me. I can’t live like that anymore.

Mindfulness, to me at least, goes a little further. I need to be mindful of my writing self and my creative self as well. I need to write every day. I need to make it a daily habit to write every day.

I won’t be blogging every day, or at least I won’t be setting that as a goal as to keep myself from getting burnt out but I will be writing every day.

Now, that doesn’t mean that if I have a blog post inside of me that needs to be written and it’s not a Monday or a Wednesday that I won’t write it.

Absolutely not! I will write that blog post and post it. I will write that snippet and pocket it away until I have more to it.

I have to be the person that I want to be. I have to be the person that I am destined to be and a person that is so anxious and depressed that he can’t fully function and have successful relationships is not the person I want to be.

Let’s see how it goes!

When It Comes

When I have an idea, I need to write it down. Whether I’m at work or home or where ever. If I’m driving, I need to have a way to dictate my ideas.

I’m trying to stay hopeful that I can keep this momentum and positivity going forward and on into the new year.

It makes me think of Peter Pan and how he flew off to Neverland, into a new world of amazement.

I want 2024 to be my year. I want 2024 to be our year! I want to take a little extra cash at the beginning of the year and get my passport. I want to travel with them. I want to create with them. I want to make a good life with them.

I’m not exactly sure where I wanted this blog post to go but I got an inkling of wanting to write a post and decided to just grab my iPad and write one.

That’s it! It was when inspiration strikes me, I need to snatch the opportunity and get to creating.

I mean, just starting to write, I wandered slightly sideways to the path of Neverland and that makes me think of Alice in Wonderland which I love because I associate it with Yvonne and some good times in my younger years.

Now, that doesn’t mean that I should only wait until inspiration strikes to do anything. If I constantly do something creative, whether I’m inspired or not, it can lead to other things.

I’m learning or remember really because we learned this in school right, how to take one thing and then branch off… I want to say that is sort of like the snowflake method. Some reason I want to associate it with ‘something-spider’ or ‘spider-something’ but maybe that’s something else entirely.

But anyways, I’m going with things better. I’m taking one little smidgen of an idea and then running with it and seeing where it goes.

Maybe this is my ADHD as a benefit because I can discover new things.

Oh and speaking of discover, I think Star Trek Discovery is starting new episodes fairly soon and I know I saw earlier or last night that SVU is starting new episodes soon too!

Work schedules being what they are, I usually don’t get to see the shows when they air but that’s okay.

I’m losing the point of this blog post again but anywho, I’m learning to branch out from one idea and into something else. I’m learning to embrace imperfection. I’m learning that I don’t like it when things don’t go my way. That’s okay. I have to learn to be able to handle that I only have control over certain things.

I would love to have a tiny laptop. I am currently sitting outside or rather I was and now I’ve moved back inside but I got to looking on EBay and they have an 11 inch Lenovo laptop for $70 and that’s not bad. I wouldn’t imagine that it’s that heavy being that it’s only 11 inches.

Dinner is almost ready. Maybe I’ll come back and write more later!

Happy Holidays

I wanted to write a blog post today but as I sit here, my fingers on the keys, I really couldn’t think of what to write or anything. All I could think of was the little jingle Happy Holidays that Robyn used to say back at Albertsons all those years ago.

The holidays are coming up. We just finished Thanksgiving last week and Christmas is coming up in a couple weeks. Then New Years.

November and December always used to be such a magical time for me. I always loved to write during the winter time and the ‘ber brrrr’ months.

Now, that warm, fuzzy feeling is gone. Well, maybe GONE is too strong a word but it’s gone more often than it’s there anymore.

But I want to get that feeling back. I want to get off work and come home, grab by notebook and write. I want to have ideas all the time again. I want to sit with the boys and they do their thing and I write.

I want to day dream about my characters and my stories and my worlds again. I want to doodle about my worlds and the places in it!

I want to have that ‘kid waking up on Christmas Morning’ feeling again. I used to use the Sims to create homes and such for characters. I need to do that again.

I need to …

Lol I don’t even remember where I was going to go with this blog post! I left it the other day on my IPad but it didn’t sync to my phone so I couldn’t access and it got left behind for work and everything and I am just now getting back to it!

Well, I think I’ll leave it exactly as it is. An unfinished piece and that be that! I need to embrace imperfections!!

Triggers and SAD

I find that my anxiety and depression are worse at night, most especially if I am away from those close to me. If I’m at work for instance, my anxiety and depression worsen on the night/evening shifts. The nice thing is though, I at least don’t have to work the overnight shifts anymore.

Works not bad tonight. I’m staying busy cleaning and getting ready for a corporate walk through tomorrow.

I’ll be heading home from work in less than two hours. Tomorrow I need to work on cleaning up under the house and getting my desk situated and some semblance of organization at least.

I’m off on Saturday. I also need to work on laundry in the morning too so it’s done before Saturday.

Bout time to head back from break!

My Roots

Even now, writing this blog post, I don’t even know where to really begin or anything.

My writing has been pretty much non-existent for so long now. I want to say that I have no idea how to get myself writing again but I do. I need to start writing.

I need to just start w/riting. I can. I know that I have the ability to write. So why don’t I write?

I don’t write because the little voice in my head tells me that I can’t. It tells me that I am no good. I’m an imposter if I think I can write like the other writers I see online and in the bookstores.

The little voice that tells me that if I write, I’m being selfish. I should be doing something more productive instead of writing stupid stories.

But are they stupid?

NO! My writing is not stupid! I may not write what everyone else is writing. I may not write what everyone else wants me to write but regardless of any of that, my writing is valid and worthy of being out there in the world right along everyone else’s.

Now, that being said, while I try to get my creative writing mojo back in action, I’m thinking of going back to my roots as far back as my earliest writing in fan fiction.

When I started writing, it was horribly written Star Trek fan fiction. There were so many Gary Stu characters that it was cringe worthy. Then I moved on to slash fiction in the Buffyverse with Angel and Xander and the writing was, let’s say better.

It wasn’t great by any means but it was better. It was also slash fiction that got me writing my own original fiction in the first place.

So why not go back there and see if in writing something familiar I can’t spark that same creative passion again and reignite the fire again.

Stay tuned and let’s see how this writing experiment goes!

Preptober Day 16

As far as daily blog posts go, that goal hasn’t happened but I have been working on my current project each day.

I am currently reading 21 Days to Awaken the Writer Within: Find Joy in Creative Writing and Discover Your Unique Voice by Lisa Fugard

I’m not doing it on a daily basis in that I’m not making myself do a day at a time. If I want to spend a day or two or three even on a certain day in the book, I allow myself that ability.

Today hasn’t been all that great a day. My anxiety and depression are a bit all over the place today.

I think I’m going to grab my notebook and a pencil and go sit outside and write by hand. I’m finding that I am having very good results writing by hand. Maybe I just need a change.

Happy Writing

Preptober Day 1 and 2

The biggest question I am facing right now as I look ahead to Preptober 2023 is:

What do I hope to gain from this month of Preptober and NanoWriMo this year?

What do I hope to gain from Preptober? I hope to gather together an outline of some sort for a 50,000 word draft of a novel. I hope to gather together a better understanding of myself and more importantly, my writing self.

I hope to create a daily writing routine that I can freely transform when needed to fit into whatever day I have work—wise.

What do I hope to gain from Nanowrimo? I hope to continue the daily writing routine I create during Preptober to create a somewhat “readable” first draft of some kind.

Is it possible? Of course it is. I’ve done it before. I’ve struggled the last few years because of this, that, and the other but I want this year to be different. I’ve had too many years recently where I have let negativity and setbacks get in my way.

Why can this year be different though? Because I am going to prioritize me and my time. I’m going to prioritize taking time in my office if need be. I’m going to prioritize taking time away from the house if need be.

I have to prioritize me to bring myself back into a more centered person!

What are you going to work on this month for Preptober? What are you planning for Nanowrimo? Let’s hear it in the discussion below!

Happy Writing

Preptober 2022 – Day 4

Today is almost over and I’m just now posting! It was a day! My anxiety and depression got the better of me today! I don’t like it but it does happen and tomorrow is a new day!

I’m ready for a day off. I was off today but I have my overnight shift and it always makes my Tuesday off a weird day because I wind up having to sleep most of my day off.

Tomorrow I have a busy day with my baby! Swimming 🏊‍♂️ and sushi 🍣!

How is preptober going for you? Let me know in the comments section below!

Preptober 2022 – Day 2

So, how did day 2 of this year’s #preptober go for you?

I was at work most of the day so I didn’t really get anything accomplished other than percolating ideas in my head.

I know it’s going to take more than that if I want to participate and win Nanowrimo this year. I’ve just been in a weird funk the last couple days and I have got to shake it.

Tomorrow is a new day. Today wasn’t all that great. I felt like I was going to be sick all day. I felt tired and thirsty. I think I was dehydrated!

Tomorrow I am not going to have any energy drinks and I’m going to drink more water!

Tomorrow is a new day! Stay positive and keep moving forward!

Sunday, June 26, 2022

So there are only 5 days left until July’s Nanowrimo session! Are you ready? Do you have your outline finished? Are you pantsing it? Do you have any kind of idea of what you’re going to do for the month at all?

If you’re like me, you’re probably putting it down to the very last minute on what you want to work on for the month. I have no idea. I have a project I have worked on in Nanowrimos in the past but never finished and I’m kind of thinking about that for the next month as well.

But I also wonder if I should just start something new and different from what I’ve already been working on in the past. I’m in a completely new place in life. Things have changed so much over the last few months and I’m definitely not the same person that I was before.

So I don’t know. I know I need to figure something out for the month because there are only a few days left. I’m off on Tuesday. Maybe I’ll use that day to get a better idea of what I want to do for the month.

But regardless of what I am going to work on for the month of July, I am going to have fun with it. I am going to get out of the house and go write at coffee shops again. I am going to go to Balboa Park like I always wanted to do with Richard and I’m going to sit in the grass and write.

It would be so easy to just let myself fall away from anything that I enjoyed and just sink into a darkness and not come back out of it. It would be so easy to succumb to the negative, sad thoughts that are already floating around in my head. I can’t let myself do that though. I have to pull myself back up and start to enjoy life again.

Richard may be gone but he will always be with me in my heart. He would not have wanted me to stop living life. He would have wanted me to go on to do great things. He would have wanted me to pursue my writing because it was something that always brought me great joy. He would have wanted me to share my work with the world.

While publishing is not something I will most likely be doing any time soon, it still might be in my future.

But for now, I need to figure out what I even want to write about.

Where are you at in your #preptober month? Have you settled on an idea for a story? Have you outlined or are you going to fly by the seat of your pants and just hope for the best? Let me know in the comments section below!

Happy Writing Everyone and have a great week to come!!