Feeling Lost

Do you ever just feel like you’re lost? You know you want to be doing something but you don’t know how to start.

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I am currently participating in the #hotandsticky writing challenge as well as Camp NanoWriMo. My goal for the month is 18k. I am about on par for where I need to be for Camp NanoWriMo but I am extremely behind on the #hotandsticky challenge of 55k by the end of August.

One thing that I am extremely happy about is the fact that I have written EVERY SINGLE DAY since the first of June! It feels great to know that I have made such an amazing habit.

But the last few days, I feel like I am just in a slump. Like everything and anything that I write is trash and not worthy of putting down on paper, or in my Word document rather. 🙂

It know it’s not. I know that I’m just in a dark phase and I will move past it. This too shall pass.

I just need to focus on me and my happiness. I’m used to listening to everyone else and helping them with their needs and well-being but I need to focus on me.

Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, suggest Artist’s Dates. Take yourself, by yourself, out on date. Do something creative. Whether it’s to a coffee shop to journal and people watch, or maybe to a stationary store to treat yourself to a new pen or notebook. Do something for you!

I have friends who support my writing endeavor. They give me encouragement. They give me prompts and ideas at times too.

I’m thankful for them and their encouragements but I don’t need to think so much about them and their thoughts and opinions that I let it affect my writing. My writing is for me. If I ever publish professionally, it will be for others to enjoy but it will still be for me ultimately.

There are people that don’t understand why I write what I write. They don’t understand my wanting to write Male/Male (M/M) Romantic fiction. I could go on and

on for hours about how I felt like I was such an outcast in high school because I knew that I was different and I felt like no one ever was going to be the same as I was.

My friends were alright with my being gay but my parents, they were not.

They didn’t understand. They hated it. My family was never the same after my coming out. My coming out hadn’t even been intentional. A forgotten note left in a jeans pocket before laundry day.

 

But any-who, when I was in high school, I never dated. I never went to the prom. I never went down to the lake and broke curfew because I was too busy making out.

I never had the opportunity because there was never anyone else like me that I could connect with in high school.

That is why I turned to writing. If I couldn’t experience the love and romance that I wanted to, my characters sure as hell were going to.

That’s why, when I write, most of my characters end up living blissfully happily ever after.

I’m happy for the most part myself. I have a good job. I don’t make a lot of money. But its a fairly easy job. I have a bit of down time where I can ponder on my story.

I have friends and family that love me but I am still alone in a romantic sense. Is it because I’m scared? Yes. I’ll admit that. I’m scared to put myself out there because I’ve been hurt in the past.

The following quote is from the 2007 movie Shelter. The scene is Tory and Zach at the beach. Zach is unsure of moving forward with his relationship with Shawn.

“We don’t belong to people forever.” Tory to Zach – Shelter
“Then why bother?” Zach to Tory – Shelter

Why bother? You have to go after what you want because if you don’t, you’ll never know what you were missing.

🙂 Seems kind of ironic considering I’m alone and haven’t went after what I wanted. But in regards to my writing, I’m trudging ahead!

Happy Writing Everyone! Huge Hugs!!

Good Habits vs Bad Habits

Why is it that GOOD habits are so easily broken and BAD habits are not?

Every year countless people create their list of New Year’s Resolutions. They’re either making a commitment to stop a bad habit and/or to create a good habit.

Now, they might start off strong with that habit to Eat Better Food! A lot of time, however, it’s easier to slip back into that bad habit of eating the bad, fast, and convenient foods that we all love so much.

I myself for instance, had created a very good habit of writing each and every day during the month of November back in 2015. I wrote every single day. It might not have been more than 50 words but I wrote.

Then December came and the habit broke! WHY?

On the other hand, I had a bad habit of biting my nails. Now, this habit is most definitely not easy to break. I have attempted to break this numerous different times over the years to no avail. WHY?

What are you thoughts on this subject? Why do you think it’s so easy to break a good habit and so difficult to break a bad habit?

For more information on breaking habits, check out some of these links.

  1. 5 Unexpected Ways to Break A Bad Habit
  2. Dr. Oz on Good vs Bad Habits
  3. 20 Tricks to Nuke Bad Habits

Good Habits vs Bad Habits – Yahoo Search
YahooSearch – good habits vs bad habits

30in30 CampNanoWriMo and More!

So, it has been months since I last posted anything on here. I hate that. But it hasn’t been just here. I haven’t written anything other than some personal journal CNW_Participant_Squareentries.

But this month of March, I am participating in a new challenge called 30 in 30 over on Facebook. Check it out HERE. Challenge is to write 30,000 words in March.

Now, I’m not following the rules to the T because I want to just start writing every day. This was my goal for last November as well and I accomplished it then. But sadly, when November ended, so did my habit of writing each and every day.

This is something that I am really not proud of but I am in the process of rectifying the slip in my writing self.

I am venturing out of my comfort zone. I’m joining groups on Facebook and other places online. I haven’t really sought out anything physically local but online for me is just as good because it gives you the freedom to come and go as needed.

I’m super psyched for Camp Nano in April. I’ve only done Camp one other time but I love it just as much as I do November Nano.

This week is going to be working on getting a schedule set up to post to my blog because I want to have a regular post going out each week. Thursdays might be my days each week but I will fine tune and post about it. 🙂

Everyone have a great day and as always, HAPPY WRITING!

 

Last Day of Nano-2015

So today is the very last day of November. Which means it is also the last day of NanoWriMo 2015. I’m totally psyched that I got to 50,083 words. I am going to one last write-in tonight so I’ll be putting in a few more hours of writing and getting a few more words in but I won and that’s totally awesome.

Now, with that being said, I won yes but I am glad that November is over. It is highly stressful needing to write 1,667 words a day. Not to say that it isn’t doable. I did it and you can too. But my side goal, really my ultimate goal, was to get into the habit of writing every day and I succeeded in that as well.

For Nano, I did a collection of short stories. None of them are finished yet as I would skip around and go back and forth to keep the interest up to be able to finish 50k in 30 days.

But now that the month is over, I am going to slowly work on finishing them up and then going back and editing them as well.

I am considering using FastPencil to get a free hard copy of my novel. Even if I don’t go back and publish, it would be totally wicked to have a physical copy of something I have written.

Not sure what it all entales but I think if it’s not too complicated, I would really like to have a copy I could show off to friends and family.

Another thing that has come from this November has been my branching out to original fiction. What I mean by that is that most of my writing in the past has been Fan Fiction. I take other creators characters and write about them in new situations and places. It’s always been something I have greatly enjoyed, especially if a show has been cancelled. You can write new adventures for the characters.

But my very last short story of this month, I was sitting at Barnes and Noble and I saw a prompt for “darkness”. Taking that prompt, I wrote a man walking down a dark forest path in the middle of the night. This character could easily have been one I had used from other shows in the past but instead, I decided to not give him an identity. Not until he was walking down the past, trying to decide if he should just turn back and head the way he came. But he decided to venture on and he came across a man standing in the middle of the past.

“What’s your name, young one,” the man asked.

“My name?”

“Yes. Your name. You do have one, do you not?” the man asked, his hand moving to touch the young man’s cheek.

That’s when I gave him a name. Now, this name was actually a name of a guy at the Cafe where I was sitting but it was a name I hadn’t heard often so it seemed interesting.

“C. . . Conrad.”

“Mmmm. Conrad. Brave and loyal. What are you doing out so late, Conrad?”

Now, this might seem odd taken out of context. The man touching the other man’s cheek in the middle of the woods but there’s more to this than what I have shared here but you get the gist.

But this was so exhilarating. I was creating a set of characters and a world was starting to form. In the past I had always used pre-made characters and worlds I already knew.

Now I was creating my own. I was becoming a more in depth writer. A writer I had always wanted to be.

Not to say that there is anything wrong with Fan Fiction. I love it. I will always read it and probably always write it as well. But I am looking to the future now, and I could see myself being published professionally one day and that is something so new and exciting to me.

But alas, I have rambled on for over 600 words right now.

I bid you farewell and safe journeys,
Happy Writing,
Jeremy 🙂

NanoWriMo Day 12

So, I haven’t posted a NanoWriMo blog in a few days and I am very disappointed in myself about that. I had a few goals this month and one was to post everyday. But real life got in the way with long work shifts and being almost too tired to write at all. Now, I will say, I did get my Nano writing done and I had to choose between that and blog posting and Nano writing was going to win hands down.

But as for my planning outline, I have pantsed in the past and this year I had a pretty good outline going for one of my short stories (i’m doing a short story collection this year) and I had thought that that one short story itself would be about 8 to 10 thousand words but right off the bat, the characters decided to take control, which isn’t bad in and of itself but my inner voice kept saying you’re not following your outline. Also, my characters kinda ended the story at about 4 thousand words instead of 8/10 as I had wanted.

So to get my groove back these two days, I am going to be working on changing my inner voice to be accepting of letting my characters completely lead my story, even if it thinks their leading the story into a wall or something.

I also need to create a loose outline for a few more of my short stories to at least not have a sinking/drowning feeling going on before I sit down to write.

I am still have a great time as I am writing everyday. Yesterday wasn’t as productive as I had wanted. I didn’t actually write anything short story related other than I did write down some prompts. I’m going to count that as my daily writing as it was only 24 words but I am focusing on writing everyday.

But I’ve rambled on long enough.

Happy Writing and HAPPY NANOING!!!!
Jeremy 🙂

NanoWriMo Day 6

So, for Day 5, I wound up only writing about 800 words. But that is completely okay. I wrote and that is what matters as I am trying to get a habit built of writing everyday.

Now, for Day 6, I wrote 1,271 words and I am up to 12,066 words total.

Tomorrow, Saturday, November 7th is Double Donation Day at NanoWriMo HQ and it is also Double Your Word Count Day. Now, my word count is 12,000 (to make doubling easier). So double that would 24,000 words by Saturday at 11:59OM. That is another 12,000 words. That is quite a hefty feat. Now, I’m not sure if that is what people mean by Double Your Word Count. It could also mean double the daily goal of 1667 to 3334. Now that would be much more attainable  Now that is not to say that 12,000 words in one day is not possible. If I get in the flow, I could possibly do that if I didn’t have to work tomorrow.

I’m not a hundred percent sure of what my writing goal for tomorrow may be. I am leaning towards 3334 as that will put me over the 15,000 word mark and that in and of itself would be totally awesome.

I’ll be thinking more on this while I am work tomorrow and also working on gathering up some new ideas for short stories. I really didn’t plan all of this out when I was thinking of doing a collection of short stories. I really should have had a list of at least 30 short stories but I didn’t. I only had about 7 or 8 going into the first of the month and I have about used those up.

Well, later for now and Happy Writing to ALL!!!
Jeremy 🙂