Feeling Lost

Do you ever just feel like you’re lost? You know you want to be doing something but you don’t know how to start.

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I am currently participating in the #hotandsticky writing challenge as well as Camp NanoWriMo. My goal for the month is 18k. I am about on par for where I need to be for Camp NanoWriMo but I am extremely behind on the #hotandsticky challenge of 55k by the end of August.

One thing that I am extremely happy about is the fact that I have written EVERY SINGLE DAY since the first of June! It feels great to know that I have made such an amazing habit.

But the last few days, I feel like I am just in a slump. Like everything and anything that I write is trash and not worthy of putting down on paper, or in my Word document rather. 🙂

It know it’s not. I know that I’m just in a dark phase and I will move past it. This too shall pass.

I just need to focus on me and my happiness. I’m used to listening to everyone else and helping them with their needs and well-being but I need to focus on me.

Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, suggest Artist’s Dates. Take yourself, by yourself, out on date. Do something creative. Whether it’s to a coffee shop to journal and people watch, or maybe to a stationary store to treat yourself to a new pen or notebook. Do something for you!

I have friends who support my writing endeavor. They give me encouragement. They give me prompts and ideas at times too.

I’m thankful for them and their encouragements but I don’t need to think so much about them and their thoughts and opinions that I let it affect my writing. My writing is for me. If I ever publish professionally, it will be for others to enjoy but it will still be for me ultimately.

There are people that don’t understand why I write what I write. They don’t understand my wanting to write Male/Male (M/M) Romantic fiction. I could go on and

on for hours about how I felt like I was such an outcast in high school because I knew that I was different and I felt like no one ever was going to be the same as I was.

My friends were alright with my being gay but my parents, they were not.

They didn’t understand. They hated it. My family was never the same after my coming out. My coming out hadn’t even been intentional. A forgotten note left in a jeans pocket before laundry day.

 

But any-who, when I was in high school, I never dated. I never went to the prom. I never went down to the lake and broke curfew because I was too busy making out.

I never had the opportunity because there was never anyone else like me that I could connect with in high school.

That is why I turned to writing. If I couldn’t experience the love and romance that I wanted to, my characters sure as hell were going to.

That’s why, when I write, most of my characters end up living blissfully happily ever after.

I’m happy for the most part myself. I have a good job. I don’t make a lot of money. But its a fairly easy job. I have a bit of down time where I can ponder on my story.

I have friends and family that love me but I am still alone in a romantic sense. Is it because I’m scared? Yes. I’ll admit that. I’m scared to put myself out there because I’ve been hurt in the past.

The following quote is from the 2007 movie Shelter. The scene is Tory and Zach at the beach. Zach is unsure of moving forward with his relationship with Shawn.

“We don’t belong to people forever.” Tory to Zach – Shelter
“Then why bother?” Zach to Tory – Shelter

Why bother? You have to go after what you want because if you don’t, you’ll never know what you were missing.

🙂 Seems kind of ironic considering I’m alone and haven’t went after what I wanted. But in regards to my writing, I’m trudging ahead!

Happy Writing Everyone! Huge Hugs!!

A New Life for Me – A Story Challenge

So, Tamara Woods over at the Writestuff Google group issued a challenge:

Your mission if you choose to accept it:

Write a piece of fiction 2500 words or less about a person who is starting something new. Could be school (this is the time of year for it), work, moving to a new country…whatever. What has prompted the change and how does that character deal with it? Post it either in this event or in the #writestuff  community.

This is completely unbeta’d as I wrote this in like an hour. This is the third time that I have rewritten this story. It’s nothing special. Just had a rough day at work and this is what my muse churned out. Hope you all enjoy and have a wonderful day.

PS: Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!

****

“Jay, what is this?” Danielle asked looking at the letter, reading it again to make sure that she was seeing it right. “You’re quitting?”

“It’s. . . This isn’t easy, Danielle. I have worked with this company for almost six years but it’s just been too much drama lately. I try to do all that I can for everybody but I just can’t seem to get a break. Everyone wants something from me but then they turn right around and treat me like dirt. I mean no disrespect but no manager has a right to ‘talk anyway that they want to’ to an employee. Patricia had no right to do that. She’s lucky that I didn’t call human resources on her.”

“Jay, is there anything that I can do to change your mind?”

“Honestly, I don’t think you can do anything to help. I have talked to you in the past and it does absolutely no good. I still get treated like dirt. I’m giving you two weeks notice because that is the appropriate thing to do but other than that, I’m done.”

“Well, I am truly sorry that you have to leave under these circumstances and I wish you would let me try to do something but if not, I understand.”

“I don’t want to leave. I really don’t. I like it here most of the time but there are just some managers in this store who think that they can treat people anyway that they want and that’s not true.”

“Well you’re right and I will be taking stronger measures against Patricia for her actions.”

“I wouldn’t even worry about it because it aint gonna change a thing. She’s always going to treat everyone below her like they’re below her. We’ll never be a true team in this store. I’m sorry to say that but that is the case.”

“Yeah. I see that at times too. Well, I wish you the very best in whereever life takes you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that. I’m off today so I’m gonna get out of here and let you get back to work.”

“Have a good day.”

“You too.”

****

“Jay. . .” Patricia said as he walked past her. “I just wanted to apologize.”

“Honestly Pat, shove your apology up your fat ass,” he said with a smile as he turned from her and walked out the door.

Nothing was going to take the smile from his face as he left the store that day. He knew that he would be alright. He would find a new job somewhere and he knew that he would eventually find a place he belonged. It would just take time.

The End, or is it?