Feeling Lost

Do you ever just feel like you’re lost? You know you want to be doing something but you don’t know how to start.

writer2

I am currently participating in the #hotandsticky writing challenge as well as Camp NanoWriMo. My goal for the month is 18k. I am about on par for where I need to be for Camp NanoWriMo but I am extremely behind on the #hotandsticky challenge of 55k by the end of August.

One thing that I am extremely happy about is the fact that I have written EVERY SINGLE DAY since the first of June! It feels great to know that I have made such an amazing habit.

But the last few days, I feel like I am just in a slump. Like everything and anything that I write is trash and not worthy of putting down on paper, or in my Word document rather. 🙂

It know it’s not. I know that I’m just in a dark phase and I will move past it. This too shall pass.

I just need to focus on me and my happiness. I’m used to listening to everyone else and helping them with their needs and well-being but I need to focus on me.

Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, suggest Artist’s Dates. Take yourself, by yourself, out on date. Do something creative. Whether it’s to a coffee shop to journal and people watch, or maybe to a stationary store to treat yourself to a new pen or notebook. Do something for you!

I have friends who support my writing endeavor. They give me encouragement. They give me prompts and ideas at times too.

I’m thankful for them and their encouragements but I don’t need to think so much about them and their thoughts and opinions that I let it affect my writing. My writing is for me. If I ever publish professionally, it will be for others to enjoy but it will still be for me ultimately.

There are people that don’t understand why I write what I write. They don’t understand my wanting to write Male/Male (M/M) Romantic fiction. I could go on and

on for hours about how I felt like I was such an outcast in high school because I knew that I was different and I felt like no one ever was going to be the same as I was.

My friends were alright with my being gay but my parents, they were not.

They didn’t understand. They hated it. My family was never the same after my coming out. My coming out hadn’t even been intentional. A forgotten note left in a jeans pocket before laundry day.

 

But any-who, when I was in high school, I never dated. I never went to the prom. I never went down to the lake and broke curfew because I was too busy making out.

I never had the opportunity because there was never anyone else like me that I could connect with in high school.

That is why I turned to writing. If I couldn’t experience the love and romance that I wanted to, my characters sure as hell were going to.

That’s why, when I write, most of my characters end up living blissfully happily ever after.

I’m happy for the most part myself. I have a good job. I don’t make a lot of money. But its a fairly easy job. I have a bit of down time where I can ponder on my story.

I have friends and family that love me but I am still alone in a romantic sense. Is it because I’m scared? Yes. I’ll admit that. I’m scared to put myself out there because I’ve been hurt in the past.

The following quote is from the 2007 movie Shelter. The scene is Tory and Zach at the beach. Zach is unsure of moving forward with his relationship with Shawn.

“We don’t belong to people forever.” Tory to Zach – Shelter
“Then why bother?” Zach to Tory – Shelter

Why bother? You have to go after what you want because if you don’t, you’ll never know what you were missing.

🙂 Seems kind of ironic considering I’m alone and haven’t went after what I wanted. But in regards to my writing, I’m trudging ahead!

Happy Writing Everyone! Huge Hugs!!

Advertisements

NanoWriMo Day 12

So, I haven’t posted a NanoWriMo blog in a few days and I am very disappointed in myself about that. I had a few goals this month and one was to post everyday. But real life got in the way with long work shifts and being almost too tired to write at all. Now, I will say, I did get my Nano writing done and I had to choose between that and blog posting and Nano writing was going to win hands down.

But as for my planning outline, I have pantsed in the past and this year I had a pretty good outline going for one of my short stories (i’m doing a short story collection this year) and I had thought that that one short story itself would be about 8 to 10 thousand words but right off the bat, the characters decided to take control, which isn’t bad in and of itself but my inner voice kept saying you’re not following your outline. Also, my characters kinda ended the story at about 4 thousand words instead of 8/10 as I had wanted.

So to get my groove back these two days, I am going to be working on changing my inner voice to be accepting of letting my characters completely lead my story, even if it thinks their leading the story into a wall or something.

I also need to create a loose outline for a few more of my short stories to at least not have a sinking/drowning feeling going on before I sit down to write.

I am still have a great time as I am writing everyday. Yesterday wasn’t as productive as I had wanted. I didn’t actually write anything short story related other than I did write down some prompts. I’m going to count that as my daily writing as it was only 24 words but I am focusing on writing everyday.

But I’ve rambled on long enough.

Happy Writing and HAPPY NANOING!!!!
Jeremy 🙂

NanoWriMo Day 3

Day 2 Recap:

My goal for Day 2 was 6,667 words. Sadly, I did not reach that goal as I was just too tired to write after getting off work.

Day 2 Count: 5,305. So I was about 1300 words shy of my goal. But that’s alright. I wrote and that is what matters most.

Day 3:

Word count goal, since I didn’t meet my Day 2 goal was going to be 8,334 to make up for the words I didn’t get on Day 2. Again, I have not met that goal either and I have to be in bed, like right now, to be at work at 11pm tonight.

So, my word count for day 3: 2,412 words for the day and a total wc of 7,717. So, for the official word count of Nano, I am 2,716 words ahead of where I minimally had to be. So, that is really awesome and I am going to keep up the pace as I move along.

Now, one thing I want to mention is that when I did camp Nano back in July, Monday through Wednesdays were always my hardest days to write because they are my busiest days at work. So, for me to have written so much on a Tuesday where I had only planned on Tuesday being like 500 word days, is really amazing.

I have been having moments where I get a little discouraged and such but that’s alright. I just have to remind myself that I am writing and even if I don’t meet a goal, I am writing and that is most important.

Now, to make up for my missing my personal goal today, my word count goal for tomorrow will be:

DAY 4 GOAL: 10,002 WORDS. I am shooting to be two days ahead of the official Nano word count goal. So, that means for tomorrow, I need to write 2,285 words.

I am thinking of going to a local write in at a Starbucks in the morning, so maybe I will be able to pound out some amazing word counts during that couple hour session.

But as it gets later and later, I lost that much more sleep time which is not conducive to writing for me.

So, HAPPY WRITING and HAPPY NANO TO ALL!!!!
Jeremy 🙂

PS: Have a wonderful day and don’t let a missed goal get you down!

What’s The Old Saying…?

beggars-cant-be-choosers-quote-1

Beggars can’t be choosy? I guess it’s right in what it says. I had asked for November 1st off as a personal day from work as I had one personal day alotment left and it had to be used by November 7th. So I figured, with participating in NanoWriMo this year, I would ask for the 1st off.

Now, two weeks before Nano, money has gotten a little bit tight and they asked me to work on the 1st. I so badly wanted to decline the offer but again, beggars can’t be choosy. So I will be working from 6am to 3pm on November 1st instead of staying up late the night before and beginning to work on my NanoNovel at midnight as I had hoped.

But that’s alright. So far, I haven’t had a November 1st off the entire time I have participated in Nano so it’s really not a big deal. Just a bit of wishful thinking.

It’ll all work out the way that it’s meant to.

Happy Writing,
Jeremy 🙂

f130c782babf50e98967b4a584d9336a