Feeling Lost

Do you ever just feel like you’re lost? You know you want to be doing something but you don’t know how to start.

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I am currently participating in the #hotandsticky writing challenge as well as Camp NanoWriMo. My goal for the month is 18k. I am about on par for where I need to be for Camp NanoWriMo but I am extremely behind on the #hotandsticky challenge of 55k by the end of August.

One thing that I am extremely happy about is the fact that I have written EVERY SINGLE DAY since the first of June! It feels great to know that I have made such an amazing habit.

But the last few days, I feel like I am just in a slump. Like everything and anything that I write is trash and not worthy of putting down on paper, or in my Word document rather. 🙂

It know it’s not. I know that I’m just in a dark phase and I will move past it. This too shall pass.

I just need to focus on me and my happiness. I’m used to listening to everyone else and helping them with their needs and well-being but I need to focus on me.

Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, suggest Artist’s Dates. Take yourself, by yourself, out on date. Do something creative. Whether it’s to a coffee shop to journal and people watch, or maybe to a stationary store to treat yourself to a new pen or notebook. Do something for you!

I have friends who support my writing endeavor. They give me encouragement. They give me prompts and ideas at times too.

I’m thankful for them and their encouragements but I don’t need to think so much about them and their thoughts and opinions that I let it affect my writing. My writing is for me. If I ever publish professionally, it will be for others to enjoy but it will still be for me ultimately.

There are people that don’t understand why I write what I write. They don’t understand my wanting to write Male/Male (M/M) Romantic fiction. I could go on and

on for hours about how I felt like I was such an outcast in high school because I knew that I was different and I felt like no one ever was going to be the same as I was.

My friends were alright with my being gay but my parents, they were not.

They didn’t understand. They hated it. My family was never the same after my coming out. My coming out hadn’t even been intentional. A forgotten note left in a jeans pocket before laundry day.

 

But any-who, when I was in high school, I never dated. I never went to the prom. I never went down to the lake and broke curfew because I was too busy making out.

I never had the opportunity because there was never anyone else like me that I could connect with in high school.

That is why I turned to writing. If I couldn’t experience the love and romance that I wanted to, my characters sure as hell were going to.

That’s why, when I write, most of my characters end up living blissfully happily ever after.

I’m happy for the most part myself. I have a good job. I don’t make a lot of money. But its a fairly easy job. I have a bit of down time where I can ponder on my story.

I have friends and family that love me but I am still alone in a romantic sense. Is it because I’m scared? Yes. I’ll admit that. I’m scared to put myself out there because I’ve been hurt in the past.

The following quote is from the 2007 movie Shelter. The scene is Tory and Zach at the beach. Zach is unsure of moving forward with his relationship with Shawn.

“We don’t belong to people forever.” Tory to Zach – Shelter
“Then why bother?” Zach to Tory – Shelter

Why bother? You have to go after what you want because if you don’t, you’ll never know what you were missing.

🙂 Seems kind of ironic considering I’m alone and haven’t went after what I wanted. But in regards to my writing, I’m trudging ahead!

Happy Writing Everyone! Huge Hugs!!

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Good Habits vs Bad Habits

Why is it that GOOD habits are so easily broken and BAD habits are not?

Every year countless people create their list of New Year’s Resolutions. They’re either making a commitment to stop a bad habit and/or to create a good habit.

Now, they might start off strong with that habit to Eat Better Food! A lot of time, however, it’s easier to slip back into that bad habit of eating the bad, fast, and convenient foods that we all love so much.

I myself for instance, had created a very good habit of writing each and every day during the month of November back in 2015. I wrote every single day. It might not have been more than 50 words but I wrote.

Then December came and the habit broke! WHY?

On the other hand, I had a bad habit of biting my nails. Now, this habit is most definitely not easy to break. I have attempted to break this numerous different times over the years to no avail. WHY?

What are you thoughts on this subject? Why do you think it’s so easy to break a good habit and so difficult to break a bad habit?

For more information on breaking habits, check out some of these links.

  1. 5 Unexpected Ways to Break A Bad Habit
  2. Dr. Oz on Good vs Bad Habits
  3. 20 Tricks to Nuke Bad Habits

Good Habits vs Bad Habits – Yahoo Search
YahooSearch – good habits vs bad habits

30in30 CampNanoWriMo and More!

So, it has been months since I last posted anything on here. I hate that. But it hasn’t been just here. I haven’t written anything other than some personal journal CNW_Participant_Squareentries.

But this month of March, I am participating in a new challenge called 30 in 30 over on Facebook. Check it out HERE. Challenge is to write 30,000 words in March.

Now, I’m not following the rules to the T because I want to just start writing every day. This was my goal for last November as well and I accomplished it then. But sadly, when November ended, so did my habit of writing each and every day.

This is something that I am really not proud of but I am in the process of rectifying the slip in my writing self.

I am venturing out of my comfort zone. I’m joining groups on Facebook and other places online. I haven’t really sought out anything physically local but online for me is just as good because it gives you the freedom to come and go as needed.

I’m super psyched for Camp Nano in April. I’ve only done Camp one other time but I love it just as much as I do November Nano.

This week is going to be working on getting a schedule set up to post to my blog because I want to have a regular post going out each week. Thursdays might be my days each week but I will fine tune and post about it. 🙂

Everyone have a great day and as always, HAPPY WRITING!