I wrote a blog entry a few weeks ago about ‘Why I Write‘. Now, I want to talk somewhat about why I don’t write. By that I mean, I write but I don’t write nearly as much as I would like. I would like to write everyday.
If I want to write everday, why don’t I?
When I sit down and think about the reasons why I don’t write, I think there are a few reasons why.
I feel scared that my writing is not good enough.
I know that this is an unreasonable reason not to write. My writing is my writing and I can only do my best.
I feel like because I am not making any money from my writing, it’s not a worthwhile endeavor.
This is an unreasonable reason not to write because if I am writing and enjoying myself, then that is what matters. It doesn’t matter that I am not making money and making a career out of my writing. What matters is that I have fun with it. I think ultimately this has to do with my guilt associated with my writing instilled in to me by my parents when I was a teenager.
Also, I have talked about this before in my To Delete or Not To Delete post about how I once felt guilty over my writing because of the LGBT nature of almost all of my writing. Now, I once physically destroyed some of my writing over my guilt. Now, I have not gone to that extreme in a very long time but I don’t write as much as I used to and I feel that that has to do with a small sense of guilt.
I am reading through self-help books and reading online as well to work through my guilt issues.
So my goal for this November is to write everyday. Even if it is just a sentence or a paragraph. A secondary goal is to learn to feel happy and wonderful and super and all other positive feelings about my writing.
So, over the last few weeks, part of my NanoPrep has been soul searching in a way as to why I write and my writing life in general.
But even so, I still do not why I don’t write more. The pleasure I get from writing is more than the unreasonably negative reasons why I don’t. I had a writing challenge fulfill the other day and I waited until the last day of the challenge. But when I started writing, I had such fun with it and even while I was writing it, I was thinking, “Why am I not writing more often. This is so much fun.”
But alas, as I have rambled long enough, I leave with you a wish for best of luck for a truly wonderful National Novel Writing Month to come.