Why I Don’t Write

I wrote a blog entry a few weeks ago about ‘Why I Write‘. Now, I want to talk somewhat about why I don’t write. By that I mean, I write but I don’t write nearly as much as I would like. I would like to write everyday.

If I want to write everday, why don’t I?

When I sit down and think about the reasons why I don’t write, I think there are a few reasons why.

I feel scared that my writing is not good enough.
I know that this is an unreasonable reason not to write. My writing is my writing and I can only do my best.

I feel like because I am not making any money from my writing, it’s not a worthwhile endeavor.
This is an unreasonable reason not to write because if I am writing and enjoying myself, then that is what matters. It doesn’t matter that I am not making money and making a career out of my writing. What matters is that I have fun with it. I think ultimately this has to do with my guilt associated with my writing instilled in to me by my parents when I was a teenager.

Also, I have talked about this before in my To Delete or Not To Delete post about how I once felt guilty over my writing because of the LGBT nature of almost all of my writing. Now, I once physically destroyed some of my writing over my guilt. Now, I have not gone to that extreme in a very long time but I don’t write as much as I used to and I feel that that has to do with a small sense of guilt.

I am reading through self-help books and reading online as well to work through my guilt issues.

So my goal for this November is to write everyday. Even if it is just a sentence or a paragraph. A secondary goal is to learn to feel happy and wonderful and super and all other positive feelings about my writing.

So, over the last few weeks, part of my NanoPrep has been soul searching in a way as to why I write and my writing life in general.

But even so, I still do not why I don’t write more. The pleasure I get from writing is more than the unreasonably negative reasons why I don’t. I had a writing challenge fulfill the other day and I waited until the last day of the challenge. But when I started writing, I had such fun with it and even while I was writing it, I was thinking, “Why am I not writing more often. This is so much fun.”

But alas, as I have rambled long enough, I leave with you a wish for best of luck for a truly wonderful National Novel Writing Month to come.

Happy Writing,
Jeremy πŸ™‚

What’s The Old Saying…?

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Beggars can’t be choosy? I guess it’s right in what it says. I had asked for November 1st off as a personal day from work as I had one personal day alotment left and it had to be used by November 7th. So I figured, with participating in NanoWriMo this year, I would ask for the 1st off.

Now, two weeks before Nano, money has gotten a little bit tight and they asked me to work on the 1st. I so badly wanted to decline the offer but again, beggars can’t be choosy. So I will be working from 6am to 3pm on November 1st instead of staying up late the night before and beginning to work on my NanoNovel at midnight as I had hoped.

But that’s alright. So far, I haven’t had a November 1st off the entire time I have participated in Nano so it’s really not a big deal. Just a bit of wishful thinking.

It’ll all work out the way that it’s meant to.

Happy Writing,
Jeremy πŸ™‚

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Christmas Coming Early!!

Christmas in October! lol

Do you remember that sense of excitement and wonderment from when you were a child and Christmas tomorrow and you had to be in bed because Santa was going to come and bring you wonderful presents?

Do you remember how when you were little and your face would light up at the sight of a Christmas tree and decorations? Do you remember how you couldn’t seem to stop smiling and you had a happy feeling deep inside you that no one could shake no matter what?

Well, that’s what it has been like for me the last two weeks. Since it became October and NanoWriMo 2015 is getting to be that much closer, it has been like waking up on Christmas morning and smelling the food cooking and seeing the decorations and seeing all the presents and such.

That’s why I say Christmas is coming soon. I have done NanoWriMo for 4 years this year but I have to say that this year is the first time that I have ever felt this way. Maybe I’m in a new, better place in my life at this moment. I’m learning to enjoy life more and let the negativities of life just wash off me.

I’m gathering my Nano survival kit which I will discuss in a blog post later this week sometime because I think I have finally finished getting it all together. I’m outlining my novel this year. Something that I have never, ever done in the past. Up to this point, I have been a tried and true pantser but I want to try the outline this year and just see how it works for me.

I’ve been scouting out locations to write. Just today I came across a creek out on the backroads where people go to fish but it has a beautiful level area where I am hopefully planning on taking a chair and a notepad and will be able to write while I enjoy the sounds of the river flowing.

I’ve also been scouting out locations for inspiration for different scenes in my novel. This was an idea I got from QuotidianLight. The video I found her location scouting has been set to private as she is in the process of publishing the novel that the video was shot about but I will say that it is very interesting and helpful to have a place in mind when you are writing. It gives you the ability to describe things better.

But I won’t ramble on any longer. Have a wonderful day all and HAPPY WRITING!
Jeremy πŸ™‚

To Delete or Not To Delete

That is not a question!!

NEVER DELETE ANYTHING!!

Myself andΒ SamanthaJayneXΒ were talking about our thoughts of our own writings and such and getting rid of things. I’m not just talking about deleting a word or two here and there. I’m talking about taking an entire draft and deleting it entirely.

I personally have done this in the past. There was only one time when I actually destroyed something I had written. When I was in high school, my parents became aware of my sexual orientation and it was not a happy time at home. Now, my writing was and always will be of anΒ LGBT nature. In high school, when verbal hostilities hit an all time high, I took an entire notebook worth of my writing and I went off in the backwoods of our property and set the notebook on fire.

burning-books

Kind of extreme, I know but I felt such a strong sense of guilt over my writing that I thought I had to completely and entirely get rid of it. Looking back on it now, I know that that is a completely false feeling but I once suffered from a very strong sense of guilt because of my sexuality.

It actually wasn’t until I was 26/27 that I really began to realize that I didn’t need to feel guilty because of my being gay and that because my parents did not like it, that was their feelings and I shouldn’t let that determine how I felt and how I lived my life.

As of late, I am learning to truly live my life for me and not let others feelings determine how I feel about myself.

That being said, do I still at times feel that my writing is not good? Of course. But it’s from an editor perspective. My words might not be the correct words or my sentences might run on. But I have been told by numerous NanoWriMo participants to not delete anything. Strike-through is your friend, especially during NanoWriMo.

You may not like the sentence or even the paragraph or maybe you don’t like anything of what you have written but you wrote it. You took the time to write it and as you were writing, you hopefully enjoyed what you were writing. Don’t delete it. Use the strike-through button instead. Using strike-through will allow you to rewrite what you might not like without losing those words written.

Even to this day, I still have never even attempted to re-write those stories that I lost almost 15 years ago. I have thought about it but never have done it. Maybe for this years LGBT themed short story collection that I am doing for NanoWriMo, I might just attempt to recreate those stories.

Well, for now, HAPPY WRITING and HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!
Jeremy πŸ™‚

People Watching – Creepy or Inspirational?

As of late I have been trying to slow my life down. It always fast-pased. Everyone is always on the go. From home to work, work to home.

But lately I have been trying to take a break from the rush, rush, rush to just stop and observe. I’ve heard from other sources that people watching can be a great source of information for character development.

What better way to creat well rounded characters than to take real life people who are fleshed out and real and use that as inspiration for you own characters?

My most recent watching session, I was at the public library, on the second floor by a window, watching people walk by on the sidewalk outside.

Below, on a bench, I saw an older man, dark skin but not African American. Not sure of nationality but he was talking to a Caucasian female with red hair and glasses. She looked to be in her early to mid forties.

But as they were talking, the man removed his top shirt and put on another shirt from a dirty looking backpack. Through this obvservation I began thinking, is this man homeless? His backpack suggest that this might be a possibility. It was later in the day and it was going to be a little chilly out that night once the sun set. Was that why he was changing his shirt to a long sleeve shirt? Because he was going to be living outside at night?

Then I got to thinking, maybe he was an artist as I saw him with a pad and a mark in his hand as he talked to the lady.

Either of which scenarios gives great inspiration. For the homeless character, why is he homeless? What has led him to this point in his life?

For the artist character, does he travel around, talking to people about his art? Is he retired and he spends his days around the downtown area, just talking to the youger generations?

It’s only been the last few months that I have started really taking a rejuvenated interest in my writing.

For the longest, my writing self has been kind of in a funk as it were. My muse was missing and I couldn’t sit down to write anything other than small snippets of journal entries and such.

But lately, with the help of Nanowrimo Camp in July and all the wonderful videos on Youtube from Nanowrimo’s past, I am slowly but surely getting my writing self back to the happy, pleasure filled self that it was.

Happy Writing,
Jeremy πŸ™‚

PS: Remember, stop and watch people as they pass by, you might just get a great character out of it.

Write Time, Write Playlist

Do you listen to music while you write? Do you like absolute silence while you write?

Me personally, I think it depends on where I’m at. If I’m home and the rest of the family is home and making their noises and going about their business, I do like to listen to music.

But if I’m at a coffee shop, I tend to people listen more often. Snippets of a conversation can make for interesting dialogue in a story or they can create an entirely new plot bunny.

When I do listen to music while I write, I tend to like more non-lyrical music. That way I am not distracted by the words. I have lately been listening to either coffee shop sounds and rain sounds. I don’t always have a chance to get out to the Starbucks to write so low and behold, there are coffee shop sounds on Youtube.

Also, a new one I found but haven’t used completely yet is typing sounds. It’s interesting because if you listen to it and write, it’s kind of like being in one of the Nanowrimo Write-ins. Everyone clacking away at their keyboards and writing towards that 50,000 word goal together.

Below are the links I am actualling listening to this month. I will most definitely be gathering more links when it gets closer to Nano.


1 Hour Coffee Shop Noises

2 Hour Rain Noise

1 Hour Classical Music Mix

6 Hours of the best Beethoven

Typing Sounds for Relaxation

What do you listen to during Nanowrimo and any other writing as well?

Happy Writing,
Jeremy πŸ™‚

Turn The Negative Into a Story

When life sends negativity your way, turn those situations into a positive by changing how they might turn out. Having a bad day at work? Write about a character winning the lottery and never having to work again. Are you sick, under the weather? Write about a world where illness doesn’t exist.

Life gives you many things to write about.

I leave you with this challenge. In the week to come, jot down situations in your life that you can turn around through fiction. Observe your day a little more closely. You just might be surprised with the fiction ideas that you come up with.

Happy Writing,
Jeremy πŸ™‚